My next few posts are based on an essay by HaChalban on Parshas Ha'Azinu about Tochecha, usually translated as "rebuke." However, based on how the Chalban explains the concept I am choosing to eschew the English translation so that we don't lose focus of the full richness of his explanation. CL
Tochecha is rooted in love. It is important to understand this in order to comprehend both the purpose and methodology of successful Tochecha. Superficially Tochecha would appear to be rooted in Din (judgement) and to be focused on the areas in which a person is weak and deficient. However, we see from many Pesukim that this is not the case. כי את אשר יאהב ה' יוכיח, He who God loves he gives Tochecha, is but one such example.
Indeed the fact that Tochecha is aimed at getting someone to change is an expression of Din which is focused on building a person and improving him. Chesed is an act of bestowing and is primarily centered on the one who is giving, in contrast to Din which is focused on the recipient, his needs and his abilities. Any act which is centered on the improvement of the recipient is, by definition, rooted in Din. However, this aspect of Din as it relates to Tochecha is focused only on its superficial manifestation, but, at its root, that which motivates the one giving the Tochecha is a deep love which is expressed in his or her caring for another and a desire to see them at their best.
Tochecha is Chesed cloaked in Din; Chesed is the light, Din is the vessel. This is what makes Tochecha so difficult as it requires two opposite traits and it is difficult to balance them in one act. On the one hand the person's heart much be full of love, while at the same time his mouth is focused on critique. By nature, Chesed would say to overlook and forgive, whereas Din demands anger which can overcome the heart and will often drive out any sense of love. Others are so rooted in Chesed that they overlook everything and do not offer Tochecha at all. This is also untenable as there are times when a person is obligated to offer Tochecha for example a parent to a child or a teacher to a student.
The challenge lies in finding the balance between these two traits and uniting them so that love fills the entire person and he only sees good, love and blessing, and then cloak that in Din so that he can offer an effective critique which will inspire an other to improve.
As we continue we will first examine each aspect separately, the Chesed and then the Din.
דברים תת"ז
Tochecha is rooted in love. It is important to understand this in order to comprehend both the purpose and methodology of successful Tochecha. Superficially Tochecha would appear to be rooted in Din (judgement) and to be focused on the areas in which a person is weak and deficient. However, we see from many Pesukim that this is not the case. כי את אשר יאהב ה' יוכיח, He who God loves he gives Tochecha, is but one such example.
Indeed the fact that Tochecha is aimed at getting someone to change is an expression of Din which is focused on building a person and improving him. Chesed is an act of bestowing and is primarily centered on the one who is giving, in contrast to Din which is focused on the recipient, his needs and his abilities. Any act which is centered on the improvement of the recipient is, by definition, rooted in Din. However, this aspect of Din as it relates to Tochecha is focused only on its superficial manifestation, but, at its root, that which motivates the one giving the Tochecha is a deep love which is expressed in his or her caring for another and a desire to see them at their best.
Tochecha is Chesed cloaked in Din; Chesed is the light, Din is the vessel. This is what makes Tochecha so difficult as it requires two opposite traits and it is difficult to balance them in one act. On the one hand the person's heart much be full of love, while at the same time his mouth is focused on critique. By nature, Chesed would say to overlook and forgive, whereas Din demands anger which can overcome the heart and will often drive out any sense of love. Others are so rooted in Chesed that they overlook everything and do not offer Tochecha at all. This is also untenable as there are times when a person is obligated to offer Tochecha for example a parent to a child or a teacher to a student.
The challenge lies in finding the balance between these two traits and uniting them so that love fills the entire person and he only sees good, love and blessing, and then cloak that in Din so that he can offer an effective critique which will inspire an other to improve.
As we continue we will first examine each aspect separately, the Chesed and then the Din.
דברים תת"ז
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