Tochecha- The Challenge

My next few posts are based on an essay by HaChalban on Parshas Ha'Azinu about Tochecha, usually translated as "rebuke." However, based on how the Chalban explains the concept I am choosing to eschew the English translation so that we don't lose focus of the full richness of his explanation. CL

Tochecha is rooted in love. It is important to understand this in order to comprehend both the purpose and methodology of successful Tochecha. Superficially Tochecha would appear to be rooted in Din (judgement) and to be focused on the areas in which a person is weak and deficient. However, we see from many Pesukim that this is not the case. כי את אשר יאהב ה' יוכיח, He who God loves he gives Tochecha, is but one such example.

Indeed the fact that Tochecha is aimed at getting someone to change is an expression of Din which is focused on building a person and improving him. Chesed is an act of bestowing and is primarily centered on the one who is giving, in contrast to Din which is focused on the recipient, his needs and his abilities. Any act which is centered on the improvement of the recipient is, by definition, rooted in Din. However, this aspect of Din as it relates to Tochecha is focused only on its superficial manifestation, but, at its root, that which motivates the one giving the Tochecha is a deep love which is expressed in his or her caring for another and a desire to see them at their best.

Tochecha  is Chesed cloaked in Din; Chesed  is the light, Din is the vessel. This is what makes Tochecha so difficult as it requires two opposite traits and it is difficult to balance them in one act. On the one hand the person's heart much be full of love, while at the same time his mouth is focused on critique. By nature, Chesed would say to overlook and forgive, whereas Din demands anger which can overcome the heart and will often drive out any sense of love. Others are so rooted in Chesed that they overlook everything and do not offer Tochecha at all. This is also untenable as there are times when a person is obligated to offer Tochecha for example a parent to a child or a teacher to a student.

The challenge lies in finding the balance between these two traits and uniting them so that love fills the entire person and he only sees good, love and blessing, and then cloak that in Din so that he can offer an effective critique which will inspire an other to improve.

As we continue we will first examine each aspect separately, the Chesed and then the Din.
דברים תת"ז

Chesed & Din - Internal vs. External

Chesed is the root of the light, the Neshama, in contrast with Din which is the root of the vessels and the body. Din, the power of constriction, creates the vessels within which Chesed shines and lights up the soul. Ergo, Chesed relates to the internal, the soul, and Din to the external, the body. Because of the aspect of Din there are people whose purpose is to focus on all the external issues and to fight against them.

The purpose of judges, the representatives of Din, who are also referred to as אלוקים (Elokim, one of the names of God), is to focus specifically on that which is problematic and needs to be rectified. The Talmud teaches us, "A judge only has that which his eyes see." The judge is not meant to deal with external issues on the basis of understanding the defendant's inner soul. After all, if he judges every person on the basis of his soul, rather than his actions, everyone would be innocent and the judge would not inspire people to rectify their behavior. The Mahara"l and Rav Kook both teach that a judge needs to focus on the superficial and the problems, as his job is to work in the realm of the external and to fix it. This is also the function of the revealed Torah which sees the external of things, sees all the problems, the causes of damage, sins and impurities, and directs how they should be dealt with. This is the function of the Levites who represent Din and they have the mandate to demand purity and the rectification of wrongdoing.

In contrast with the judges who represent Din are the Kohanim who represent Chesed and are skilled in working with inner purity. They awaken the soul that is sleeping within the heart. They do not speak a lot of bone-breaking Mussar (rebuke), but speak softly to the hearts of all with sweet and kind words. With love and compassion, with their great spirit and powerful soul, with good hearts and faith in every Jewish person, they succeed in breaking through the walls and awaken the hearts with holiness. They fill hearts with a deep desire to connect to God. It is specifically their internal view that does not focus on sins and wrongdoing, and does not classify people only on the basis of their actions, which can fill people with hope. The people are comforted from their inner turmoil caused by their distance from God, and their hearts are filled with a loving desire to develop a relationship with the Divine.

The Kohanim stay in the House of God day and night focusing on the merits of the Jewish Nation and saying to God, "The Jews are pure and holy, and if they have fallen in sin, their hearts are burning with a fire that cannot be seen externally. Awake and seeking, awake and feeling pain because of the distance. The desire for God is strong in the heart of every Jew, even in one who is not cognizant of it it is present.

Bring on the Chesed

The only way to reveal the Middos (Godly traits embodied in the Sefirot) is to embody them oneself. If a person is difficult and acts towards others in a tough manner, it is almost impossible for him to awaken the Godly trait of Chesed (unbounded kindness) from above. Even if the person prays to God that He should conduct himself with Chesed, the person's own soul is very distant from Chesed, and Chesed cannot manifest itself within him. Furthermore, as he is lacking refined character, and he likes a kind eye and mercy towards others, he has no understanding whatsoever of the nature of Chesed and good. When he is praying to awaken Chesed from above, he cannot picture in his mind what Chesed is, what it is that he is requesting, as in his own life he is far from Chesed and its ideals. His prayer will likely be superficial and ineffective.

A person should keep the following in mind, the primary means by which a person can reveal heavenly kindness and mercy is by trying to be merciful and kind himself. At the very least he should want and try to embody these principles. By attempting to come close to these ideals he connects himself to these spiritual traits and can awaken them more and more.

The Reishis Chochma shares that he heard from other that our Sages teach us that when God taught Moshe the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy, "God wrapped himself like a Chazzan and showed Moshe, and said to him, "Anytime the Jewish people do this order before Me, I will forgive them." Despite this Godly assurance, there are many time when we recite the Thirteen Attributes and are not answered. Why is this?

Notice that he said "Anytime the Jewish people do this order." Why did he say "do"? Shouldn't he have said "say this order?" The answer is that wrapping oneself in a Tallis is not enough. We have to embody in our own lives, in our interpersonal relationships these Thirteen Attributes, then God will embody them Himself and offer forgiveness.

The Reflection of Man

Every aspect of man was created in the same form as the Divine traits. A person's body, his soul in all of its aspects was each made similar to the Sefirot. In Pasach Eliyahu  the Zohar shows us how the human body is a reflection of the Sefirot. For example, the right hand of a person is rooted in the Divine trait of Chesed (unbounded giving), which is represented on the right side of the Sefirot. The left hand is rooted in Din (judgement, constriction). This is the key to comprehending what a person accomplishes with his physical actions. When a person acts he stirs the commensurate Divine trait which bestows that trait back to humanity. This is why there are a number of Halchot which instruct to have the right precede the left, or to place the right above the left.

This teaches us the great importance of man, and the significance of the form of his limbs and his utilization of his body. When a person is davening Shemoneh Esray and placing the right hand over the left he is using Chesed to overcome Din  and Chesed  is stronger in the world. We see from this how powerful man is and the great light that is contained within his actions and conduct. A person needs to appreciate and value his body and what it can do, as there is great value in human behavior as it is a reflection of the Divine.

People are generally not conscious of this and do not value their bodies and actions, and think that a hand motion lacks meaning. This is due to the fact that they do not understand the concepts of Creation, why he was created, how he came about, how his body is arranged and the spiritual concepts underlying all of these. When a person studies and grasps the holiness of his existence, and the great power which delineated his limbs and formed his body, he can then understand how much holiness is available to him and the meaning of his deeds.

A person should therefore take heed that he doesn't soil his actions, as they have great spiritual ramifications. He should see to it that he engages in good behaviors in order to awaken a commensurate bestowal from above.