When parents give their children gifts because of their academic success, it is important that they not just be given as rewards. If they are given as rewards then it is like the cashier at the local market who gives milk in exchange for cash, or like a barter system. If the child takes out the garbage and his father gives him a candy in exchange, it is like a business deal. It's not right.
When all the interactions between parents and children are like business deals there is no personal connection, just a meeting of mutual interests. The child wants candy, the father wants to see a good report card. Rather than a dynamic relationship, you have two strangers who are trying to profit off each other. That isn't parenting.
When a parent gives a prize to a child it should be clear that it is being given as an act of love and their happiness with the child which is made even more evident when the child is expending effort and being successful. Indeed, it is unhealthy to give children gifts every day, this unlimited giving will slow the child's development. Parents desire to give, they would love to give every day, but they overcome their daily desire and are glad when they have an opportunity to give and demonstrate their love. Their academic success is an opportunity to show love.
Were the parent to give a gift every day it would show that they lack the understanding of how to show love in a healthy way. They think that love is in the gift, and instead of really loving they substitute money. It feels to the child like he is in a restaurant and not that he is engaged with a loving parent.
Imagine if a husband would bring home a truckload of gifts and tell his wife that any time she feels unloved she should take one of the gifts for herself.
Parents who know how to show personal love, know that it comes from a personal involvement with the child, with a real relationship, sometimes being nice sometimes strict but always from love and a desire to see the child mature. Gifts are secondary and never replace the relationship.
When all the interactions between parents and children are like business deals there is no personal connection, just a meeting of mutual interests. The child wants candy, the father wants to see a good report card. Rather than a dynamic relationship, you have two strangers who are trying to profit off each other. That isn't parenting.
When a parent gives a prize to a child it should be clear that it is being given as an act of love and their happiness with the child which is made even more evident when the child is expending effort and being successful. Indeed, it is unhealthy to give children gifts every day, this unlimited giving will slow the child's development. Parents desire to give, they would love to give every day, but they overcome their daily desire and are glad when they have an opportunity to give and demonstrate their love. Their academic success is an opportunity to show love.
Were the parent to give a gift every day it would show that they lack the understanding of how to show love in a healthy way. They think that love is in the gift, and instead of really loving they substitute money. It feels to the child like he is in a restaurant and not that he is engaged with a loving parent.
Imagine if a husband would bring home a truckload of gifts and tell his wife that any time she feels unloved she should take one of the gifts for herself.
Parents who know how to show personal love, know that it comes from a personal involvement with the child, with a real relationship, sometimes being nice sometimes strict but always from love and a desire to see the child mature. Gifts are secondary and never replace the relationship.
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