Seek that which is Found - I

דרשו ה' בהמצאו קראוהו בהיותו קרוב. אלו עשרה ימים שבין ראש השנה ליום הכפורים

The prophet tells us to seek Hashem when he is found, call to him when he is close. Our sages tell us that this is a reference to the ten days from Rosh HaShanah to Yom Kippur.

This verse is a bit puzzling, The root word דרש, to seek is generally used as a reference to seeking that which is lost. Why then is the prophet telling us here to "seek" Hashem when he is found? If he is present, there is no need to seek.

Similarly, the word קרא is generally used to refer to calling someone who is distant to approach. Why then is the prophet using it here to call to Hashem when he is close? If He is close you have no need to call to Him, you can just speak to Him.

It would seem that the way to understand this verse is that there is no need to tell you to seek Hashem if He is distant; that would be obvious. Similarly, if He is distant it is obvious that you should call to Him. The verse is telling you that even when Hashem is found you should still seek Him, even when Hashem is close you should still call to Him.

I was reading this piece to my wife on Rosh HaShanah and she pointed out to me that so often in life we get our pleasure from the pursuit. Something is withheld from us and we desire it. We relish in the desire, we enjoy the pursuit, as it is is currently mysterious to us and unavailable. But we mistakenly think that the point is to acquire whatever is is we are desiring. We think that acquiring is "winning." And once we have acquired we stop seeking, we stop calling. We think we have accomplished.

So often we do this in relationships. Once we "have" someone we think we know them thoroughly and we stop "seeking" them. The excitement is then gone from the relationship as it was in the pursuit that the excitement was found.

The lesson to take from this is that even when we have found, it is necessary to continuously seek, even when someone is close, never stop calling out to them.

Finding the "Yes!" in the Mess

Imagine a child who is home from school one day. She decides that she wants to surprise her mother  and bake a cake. She knows her mother comes home exhausted from work every day, and, as she loves her mother, she wants to have a delicious cake awaiting her return home. However, she has no experience baking. She succeeds in getting ingredients all over the kitchen, but there is no cake to be found. When her mother arrives and sees the kitchen covered in flour and sugar her reaction will be to become angry with her out of control daughter. All she can see is a house turned upside-down.

There are two ways to calm the mother's anger. One is for her to come before her mother looking all despondent and expressing regret for filthying the kitchen. This may soften the mother's anger, but the kitchen remains recognizably messy. Another approach is that long with the despondence and regret she can explain to her mother that she was trying to make her mother happy my making her a gift to show her love. Yes, she wasn't successful, and instead of a cake there is a mess, but her actions were emanating from a place of love.

This will increase the mother's love for her daughter and completely remove her anger. On the contrary, it will lead her to wanting to draw closer to her daughter. The mess has been transformed into something beautiful when it is viewed in a deeper manner. If you only look at the messy kitchen it will remain a mess forever. The mess cannot be transformed into something different. But if the mother looks at it deeper then her relationship with the mess is something else. Yeah. the mess isn't good. She will have to teach her daughter how to bake and how to clean up after herself. But this will all be done from a perspective of love and closeness.

If we approach Hashem by just saying "I'm sorry," we are hoping that the Middas HaChesed can overcome the Middas HaDin. But those are two separate Middos, and chesed cannot transform din. But if we get inside the actions, at the deepest will that drives us, even our most corrupt behaviors, then we can come to Hashem and show Him that everything we have done was really out of love and a desire to be closer to Him. This awakening of the deepest recesses of the Din will sweeten it and turn it into something beuatiful.

Shofar - II

The Shofar moves a person up to a place where he can see everything in one fell swoop. When he is down below he only saw things piecemeal and from a very constricted vantage point. By rising above he can see everything in its essence, like the light of the sun that shines from above and enables us to see things with clarity. At night we can't see things at a distance. We can only experience those things that are close by. We touch and feel them and experience every last external detail. But our view is limited, partial and apt to lead to confusion.

The view from on high is completely different. Actions are not judged on their external appearance, but on their inner foundations. There is no evil. There is no filth. There is only the desire to fulfill the will of Hashem. We are now free as there is no longer a distinction between ourselves and our will. Nothing is forcing us to into a low form of life that is incompatible with our nature. True freedom is being true to one's real self. As Rav Kook writes, "True freedom is when one is in a situation that allows his true nature to be actualized." Freedom comes from being in touch with your true self. It is the light of Binah that informs all of our actions.

When a person contemplates this deep idea, he can become filled with deep regret on the small minded life he has chosen to live until now as compared to his potential. He returns to himself, to what he is internally. The rebellious slave who is afraid of his king, and is distant from him, the slave on whom there is much criticism, becomes a loving son who removes his outer shell and reveals his inside. His heart. He relates to his king/father, basks under His wings and wants to connect to Him with all his might.

There is no greater sweetening of the Din. No truer meeting the Din at its root than coming to this understanding. This is not merely a correction of certain behaviors, but a change that gives the person a new basis for life. The light of his life, the depth of his will, the source of his deepest hopes and closeness to  his Father in Heaven.

How can there be any prosecution of the beloved son?

Shofar - I

Din sees everything as it is. Standing alone. Superficially. It doesn't examine the inner workings of a person to determine what may be the obstacles to better performance. Whatever is on the table is what is seen, and is where the demands are made. This is symbolized by the תרועה, a string of many separate sounds. It is akin to a gathering of actions that are disconnected, and are not focused on any one goal. These are external behaviors which reflect the person's immersion within the physical world. Each action having is's own restraints. Each action driven by another lust driving the person. Each one to satisfy another craving. Separatedness is a result of superficiality. It lacks an inner purpose and a pure drive that would offer a central purpose.

What must we do? To seek out the root of all actions, to reveal the machinery that drives all behaviors. That is the good desires that lie at the root of all our ambitions and that move us to act. This is the תקיעה, an act of gathering everything together. In the desert the blowing of the trumpets was a sign to gather the entire camp. It symbolizes a union of all behaviors for one inner purpose. This is entry into the inner recesses of our lives.

We demonstrate that even though superficially our actions seem separate, in reality they all emanate from the same source. Within our hearts we have one will, it just gets lost in translation and manifests itself in myriad, mutually contradictory, behaviors. We don't truly have conflicting will within, nor do our wrong doings have roots in our hearts. All the evil is a byproduct of our inability to see our true will. It is so faint and difficult to see that we begin to believe that we want to do those things that are wrong. In truth, we have no desire for them, they are born of mistaken self-understanding.

Judgement Day - II

Each one of us has amazing potential. We have a living ,spiritual soul within ourselves, and we each have the ability to prophecize. We can't even imagine how great we truly are. The spirituality within each of us  is limitless. Even the greatest Tzaddik has a great divide between his potential and what he actually is. When a light is shone on the potential of each individual there is a commensurate Din which demands the ideal accomplishments and is not satisfied with the current mediocrity.

On Rosh HaShanah we are raised on the wings of eagles to taste some of the essential ideal which we can achieve. We each feel the Din piercing our entire being. Who is any of us in comparison with what we should be? The fear of Rosh HaShanah is the gulf that we see between our potential and our actual. For this reason no one can escape the Din. All of this is born of the great love that Hashem has for us. Only those who are destined for greatness are asked why they haven't lived up to their potential. Hashem will not rest until we reach the great light that is fit for our souls.

Someone who has forgotten his inner value is reminded of the great light that he carries within. At times he needs to have roadblocks placed on his path so that he understands that he is facing the wrong direction. All the tribulations of a person are there to remind him of his potential and to block the paths that take him down and away from the light of Hashem. It is like a person whose car is veering out of control. Sometimes the only way to stop him is by purposely damaging a tire.

We often feel only our smallness on Rosh HaShanah. But if we stop to realize that the feeling of smallness comes from an inner knowledge of our potential greatness, it can change our entire experience.

Beware Parents Bearing Gifts

When parents give their children gifts because of their academic success, it is important that they not just be given as rewards. If they are given as rewards then it is like the cashier at the local market who gives milk in exchange for cash, or like a barter system. If the child takes out the garbage and his father gives him a candy in exchange, it is like a business deal. It's not right.

When all the interactions between parents and children are like business deals there is no personal connection, just a meeting of mutual interests. The child wants candy, the father wants to see a good report card. Rather than a dynamic relationship, you have two strangers who are trying to profit off each other. That isn't parenting.

When a parent gives a prize to a child it should be clear that it is being given as an act of love and their happiness with the child which is made even more evident when the child is expending effort and being successful. Indeed, it is unhealthy to give children gifts every day, this unlimited giving will slow the child's development. Parents desire to give, they would love to give every day, but they overcome their daily desire and are glad when they have an opportunity to give and demonstrate their love. Their academic success is an opportunity to show love.

Were the parent to give a gift every day it would show that they lack the understanding of how to show love in a healthy way. They think that love is in the gift, and instead of really loving they substitute money. It feels to the child like he is in a restaurant and not that he is engaged with a loving parent.

Imagine if a husband would bring home a truckload of gifts and tell his wife that any time she feels unloved she should take one of the gifts for herself.

Parents who know how to show personal love, know that it comes from a personal involvement with the child, with a real relationship, sometimes being nice sometimes strict but always from love and a desire to see the child mature. Gifts are secondary and never replace the relationship.

Judgement Day - I

When a servant enters into the king's palace he feels a great sense of pride as he is a living expression of the king's monarchy. He is cognizant of his self-worth, the purpose for which he lives. He contrasts the way he feels now with the small manner in which he generally lives his life. The short-sighted goals. The petty actions. The shallow pursuits which are incommensurate with his true value.

This self-evaluation, the knowledge of what he should be doing as a royal servant leads him to self-criticism of his daily actions. There is a gulf between his true value and the way he lives. Not only does he recognize this, but so does the king. On the one hand he his a royal servant and should be acting in a manner that reflects his position. On the other hand, at many times he seems to forget his purpose. This comparison is the essence of Din. Din is the contrast between the potential and the actual. Din  is the demand for focus. You cannot demand of a person something of which he is incapable. We don't demand of a donkey to speak, as speech is not one of his capabilities.

Din is the focus on the ideal. When the ideal is shining in its full force the gap between the actual and the ideal is self-evident. The act of standing in the king's palace before the king naturally generates a state of Din. Similarly, proclaiming Hashem as king in and of itself creates the powerful Din of Rosh HaShanah.