There are two important factors in helping people rectify their behavior. First off, it is only by recognizing their inner purity that you can be inspired to help others change and improve their behavior. Secondly, those behaving improperly need to believe in their inner purity if they hope to change anything.
If one looks only at the superficial, they will be struck by the improper actions and give up on any hope of improvement. By emphasizing the sins the person may feel that he is so disconnected from his spiritual side that his situation is hopeless. Once he gives up, he may just sink lower and lower.
We can use children as an example. If a child lies or steals the father needs to rebuke him from a place of knowing the true depth of the child. If he only looks at the negative behaviors and allows himself to feel anger, even more so if he screams at the child, "YOU LIAR," he will cause great damage and accomplish nothing. The father needs some self-control, and to know what is truly in the child's heart. He needs to know that stealing and lying are not truly what the child is all about. It is because the child doesn't realize that that isn't who he is, that he allows himself to engage in these negative behaviors. The father needs to inspire the child, and possibly even punish him, but it must all come from a place of a deep understanding of the child, Open rebuke must come from a deep love. Only love and believing in the child, which will awaken feelings of concern for his lowly activities, need to motivate the judgement and punishment. Any critique must come from a deep love. And when the father is full of love for the child, the child will feel his father's love, he will know that his father believes in him, and that will awaken within him a desire to change.
When the father educates the child and points out his undesirable behaviors, he needs to concern himself that the child understands two things. First, that the actions are not good and they should not be done. Second, that these behaviors are unworthy of who the child is. Inside they are good and pure. That's why, if the child lies you can't shout at him, "LIAR." Saying that will instill within the child that he is connected to falsehood and that his identity is that of a liar. Why then should he change himself? If that is who he is then lying is what he should do! The desire to change must emanate from the feeling that he is not a liar, and that is the father's job to communicate.
ט"ח במדבר שנ"ח
If one looks only at the superficial, they will be struck by the improper actions and give up on any hope of improvement. By emphasizing the sins the person may feel that he is so disconnected from his spiritual side that his situation is hopeless. Once he gives up, he may just sink lower and lower.
We can use children as an example. If a child lies or steals the father needs to rebuke him from a place of knowing the true depth of the child. If he only looks at the negative behaviors and allows himself to feel anger, even more so if he screams at the child, "YOU LIAR," he will cause great damage and accomplish nothing. The father needs some self-control, and to know what is truly in the child's heart. He needs to know that stealing and lying are not truly what the child is all about. It is because the child doesn't realize that that isn't who he is, that he allows himself to engage in these negative behaviors. The father needs to inspire the child, and possibly even punish him, but it must all come from a place of a deep understanding of the child, Open rebuke must come from a deep love. Only love and believing in the child, which will awaken feelings of concern for his lowly activities, need to motivate the judgement and punishment. Any critique must come from a deep love. And when the father is full of love for the child, the child will feel his father's love, he will know that his father believes in him, and that will awaken within him a desire to change.
When the father educates the child and points out his undesirable behaviors, he needs to concern himself that the child understands two things. First, that the actions are not good and they should not be done. Second, that these behaviors are unworthy of who the child is. Inside they are good and pure. That's why, if the child lies you can't shout at him, "LIAR." Saying that will instill within the child that he is connected to falsehood and that his identity is that of a liar. Why then should he change himself? If that is who he is then lying is what he should do! The desire to change must emanate from the feeling that he is not a liar, and that is the father's job to communicate.
ט"ח במדבר שנ"ח
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